How to Control Mom Guilt Instead of Letting it Control You
I dropped them off at school, got into my car, and all the tears started streaming down my face and I thought “I wasn’t made to be a mom.”
This was after a rough morning of toddler meltdowns and my four year old not wanting to listen to a single word I had to say.
Mom guilt of feeling helpless and like the literal worst mom ever.
It reminded me of how much mom guilt used to control my life. I used to have the following feelings on a constant basis:
-I don’t spend enough time with my kids (which lead to feeling burnt out constantly)
-Being a working mom is selfish (which lead to never celebrating my career wins)
-THAT mom has it all together….wish I did (which lead to the constant comparison game and made me feel like my kids would be better off with someone else)
-Other moms never lose their cool like I do (which lead to feeling anxious every time I got flustered with my kids because I felt isolated)
-Being apart from them makes them think I don’t care (which led to me not prioritizing myself, my marriage, my career, and my spirituality).
We all do it. We think it's our job as moms to take care of everyone else except ourselves when the reality is this leads to becoming anxious, stressed, burnt out, and needing a major TIMEOUT.
It's a vicious cycle of:
Thinking you can do it all trying to do it all getting burnt out (but not willing to ask for help) and then complete breakdown.
It's a cycle that has to be stopped. Want to know how I took control of this?
These four things changed EVERYTHING for me.
1. Teach them that you will make mistakes, but you keep getting back up. It is absolutely ok to be vulnerable with your child and ask them for forgiveness if you lose your cool or act in a way you are not proud of. It shows them that we are human and that when times get tough we keep going. It's a lesson you and your child both can grow from.
2. Pray for God to make up for your shortcomings. Life is crazy and we can’t do everything all the time so ask God to make up for those moments and favor your children.
3. Love yourself and be proud of the mom you are. If you need to hear it you are the perfect mom for your child. We are only defined by what we allow ourselves to be.
4. Focus on the future and not the past. Focus on what I can improve on. What is the best parenting style my child responds to? Take how you handled yesterday, grow from it, and change the plan if needed.
When mom guilt is strong give yourself some grace and remember these four things. God has big plans for you and your children and you are exactly where you are meant to be.
